Hearken!

I have something to confess. Finally, I'm in love! The lucky (disputable err..) guy is

. T

. E

. N

. G

. K

. U

TEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! WRONG!

Actually, thats not the kind of confession I wanna make today. The thing that I had kept for so long to myself is that I'm easily DEPRESSED. Not in a good way. Nuh-uh.

I'm not feeling stress; just depressed.

Timeously, I just said to myself that it is just another phase where I'm facing the transition from being adolescent to adulthood. But as time goes by, added with prove of family medical history, my positive self started to get wobbly and I'm kinda worry myself.

Tainted set of files. No. Not helping hereee

The last semester was the worst. I wept practically each time I walked home. I'm lucky because I walked home alone so no one knew how critical my condition is. The thing that creeps me out was that sometimes, I put myself in danger. For example, I was PURPOSELY being careless while crossing a busy road. There was one Saturday where I had nearly (literally) thrown myself upon a moving car. Yes, that's creepy. With the burden of assignments, it just getting worse day by day. And I have no one to turn to. Even my house mates.

People around me kept wondering why I'm plugging my ears with music almost all the time. Easy, that's one way of toning down my depression. My playlist must haves :

1. Damien Rice - Blower's Daughter
2. And Then I Turned Seven - Goodbye, I'm sorry
3. Ben Fold - Still Fighting It
4. Matthew Perryman Jones - Out of Reach
5. Billy Joel - Vienna
6. Bread - Aubrey
7. Adele - Someone Like You
8. Anda - Menghitung Hari 2
9. The Click Five - Don't Let Me Go
10. Coldplay - The Scientist

They are undoubtedly a bunch of good songs but I guess these songs just give me an explainable reason for me to cry than to cry out of nothing.

I was very vulnerable to any negative comments. I realized that I never fancy to be alone. But friends around me though that i'm highly independent and can do almost anything without other's presence. WRONG PEOPLE. I do need people to be around me all the time. Sometimes, I was not aware of my deeds and I need someone to look after me. I may seem happy and funny enough to be hanging around with you but the truth is, I just need somebody to talk to.

Its never fun to be lonely. Excruciatingly painful it is. Try it if you dare.

When my depression gets the best of me, I'll be talking to myself. Somewhat get into a conversation. And lastly, when the final exam was just around the corner, I was suspected to have cancer and silently, I was quite happy to hear that thinking my miserable day on this earth will be over. Creepy, I know. (and nope, no cancer. Just some useless lumps on my neck)

Yayyy, finally! (pause) Whaaattt? Nooooooo

So, whatcu say? DON'T you think I'm in dire need for help guys? *wind blowing* Find, I'll sort this myself. As usual *rolling eyes*